I haul the shovel along with the coldness of my feet to the garden of remembrance; the only place in mind where the sun doesn't shimmer and the stars don't say goodbye. The moonlight is hustling to fight off the grayness that is eating away everything beyond skylines. I start digging the hole in which the cadaver will be buried. I look down at the casket we have carried shoulder to shoulder and snap it open one final time. If the dead ever could speak, you would know how morphed he sounds; given-up with a tinge of sanity and wisdom. Every skin crease mirrors a broken innocence for he has loved, he has endeared and he has been hurt. His expression is one of anger and disdain but nevertheless looks at peace. I murmur the rest of my prayers before I pick up a handful of dirt and throw it onto the coffin as it is lowered into its ultimate place. I repeat till it's no longer visible and that's when the tears gather in my eyes like the great Terracotta army awakening for battle. I decide on a stone to mark the grave and carve the initials of my name followed by ellipsis because I don't know what to add next; A loving brother? A loyal friend? A faithful lover? A brilliant writer? A great disciple? I know he wasn't any of these. He was no bigger than his mistakes nor than the 365 days he has ravaged.
Rest in peace to my old friend. Rest in peace to the body no one will ever get to meet again. Rest in peace to all the disappointments and to all the hate that had been given. Rest in peace to the people who clawed the cuts in my heart daily. Rest in peace to the time I lost with them. Rest in peace to the person I was around them. Rest in peace to the nostalgia .. to the brittle memories.. to the unfinished possibilities. May they all rest in peace. I leave at last still trying to figure out which part I just had to bury back there; the Ren, the Bâ, the Ka, the Shuyet or the Jb. Maybe, part of all is missing. Maybe, part of all is gone.
"Are you okay?", she asks as if the funeral I have just experienced alone never happened. I don't realise how long I have been daydreaming when her question hit me but the smile drawn up her face makes me forget all about it. "Yes, Why won't I be?", I shrug. It's New Year's Eve after all. What is there to celebrate anyway but broken souls and shattered dreams that will never resurface, right?
Rest in peace to my old friend. Rest in peace to the body no one will ever get to meet again. Rest in peace to all the disappointments and to all the hate that had been given. Rest in peace to the people who clawed the cuts in my heart daily. Rest in peace to the time I lost with them. Rest in peace to the person I was around them. Rest in peace to the nostalgia .. to the brittle memories.. to the unfinished possibilities. May they all rest in peace. I leave at last still trying to figure out which part I just had to bury back there; the Ren, the Bâ, the Ka, the Shuyet or the Jb. Maybe, part of all is missing. Maybe, part of all is gone.
"Are you okay?", she asks as if the funeral I have just experienced alone never happened. I don't realise how long I have been daydreaming when her question hit me but the smile drawn up her face makes me forget all about it. "Yes, Why won't I be?", I shrug. It's New Year's Eve after all. What is there to celebrate anyway but broken souls and shattered dreams that will never resurface, right?
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