An image to live up to.

I understand that life is not a wish granting factory. But sometimes pouring your heart out into a few words is the only thing that keeps you sane. This is one of my 'I am feeling down' wishes: I wish I could meet new people, make new friends. I am not saying I hate my old ones, I just wanna do these whole friendships all over again. I remember my junior year at college, I used to hang out with several squads of people; different bubbles. I used to make assumptions about them and imagine what their background may have looked like. Everyone had a new story to tell. There wasn't an image of me in their heads I should live up to or that awkward situation I wish I could have changed.

Now, I live a double life, forever walking two paths; the one that was chosen for me in people's minds and the one I could not take. My feet walk the path they have chosen, my soul wanders the road not taken, and my heart....my heart is forever torn between the two, my mind is weary and I am forever restless.

Well, There are still quite a few people I want to talk to , be friends with. But I just assume they are never interested in me the same way I am. Plus, what if I am too damaged? What if I hurt them? It is not like I didn't hurt people before. What if they didn't turn out to be as good as I imagined ?. These people give me a false hope I would rather hang on to than have nothing at all.

Small tip to all the people starting new chapters in their lives: Make as many new friends as you can. Don't consume your soul with 'what if's or 'what could have been's. Believe me you don't want to be at a reunion where you can't recognise half the people sitting at the table.

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Covered in lead.

This morning, I hated my mug with the words "Do more of what makes you happy" encrypted on it, I let it slip inbetween my fingers like paper. I didn't brush my teeth first thing or take a shower. Rather, I stayed motionless in bed. My mom made me the breakfast I never laid my hands on. Today, I feel out of character. Really out. I'm having one of those out-of-body experiences, and to be honest, I'm not very fond of the photograph I'm about to see. I don't love the body I was incarcerated in. I'm an object slowly drowning into a thousand disguises I should have worn. I try to swim my way out but I'm anchored by all the books I read, all the movies I loved, all the people I cared for and left. There will always be this layer of lead surrounding me, preventing me from grasping the marvels of the world. If only I could touch it, smash it into a million pieces before it changes into fog. My pain is wearing a bulletproof vest underneath his garment. My p...

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The truth about living

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